I am on social media quite a bit during the day, researching products or interacting with customers and friends. And the one thing I keep seeing in my News Feed is people either going through a storm, coming out of a storm or they seem to have everything together and life is good. And if you’re in neither of the two states of a storm, then you are about to go through one, no matter what, you can count on a bump in the road and the devil throwing you a curve ball. Life never seems to stop for awhile and let you breathe. It seems once you get over a hurdle, it’s only a short while before something else pops up. It’s almost like life wants to drag you down this lonesome road of sorrow and keep bashing you in the head. It never lets up!
Lord knows I’ve had my share of “bumps in the road”, I’ve talked about a few of them in my blogs. Just so you guys know that I really do understand life’s turmoil I’m going to recap. I’ve been cheated on, lied on, had three miscarriages all at 5 months, stalked by more than one nut, had a husband with cancer that passed away, married a wife beater that is in jail on Attempted Murder charges on his current wife, saw two husbands lose their sons either to suicide or an overdose, fought endlessly for my own child and I could keep going, but this sentence just turned into a paragraph!
I have had close friends that I could talk to during the trials and tribulations, which helped, but it wasn’t enough! I talk about my issues and laugh things off, I make jokes about what is going on and try to pick myself up by the boot straps and make it one more day. So if I wasn’t at work talking to friends, I was at home talking to my mom or my brother. It always felt like the more I talked about my problems, the easier it was to let it go and move on. I know time heals all wounds, so they say, but that isn’t necessary the truth. If hurt is deep enough it can become overbearing and always be in your thoughts. I’ve talked about my faith and how God has carried me through the worst times of my life and I’m very proud of where He has brought me. Did I want to learn how to depend on the Lord by traveling the road I took? NO! I had dreams and wants for my life, I had all intentions of getting married and having a family and living happily ever after. Did that happen? NO! Did I intend on putting my life out on the web for everyone to read about all my mistakes? Be vulnerable? Write down everything that has brought me pain so that it may help others? Ummm…no! No, no, no!
Seriously now, it’s embarrassing that I chose to go down certain roads in life and they brought me to a horrible and unthinkable situation. I asked the Lord more than one time…..WHY????? Why me????? Why did my dad have to die so young? Why did I lose three babies? Why couldn’t I have a great husband and be married for 20 or 30 years? Why did my child abuse drugs? Oh yeah, I pondered these things a lot.
I walk a lot and over the years I have used that time to talk with the Lord and really form a relationship with God. When I say form a relationship with the Lord, I’m not just talking. I’m serious, you have to read your Bible, you have to pray and talk with the Lord daily. You have to trust in him, you have to get as close to Him as you possibly can. You have to know what the Bible actually means and you have to know how to fight the devil on a spiritual level. We have way too many people saying “I’m praying for you” and then they turn around and they are out clubbing posting pictures on Facebook. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, but I personally don’t have a lot of faith in someone that isn’t showing me in their life that they are sold out to the Lord.
Now, how do I get through the storms of life? How do I mend this broken heart and build my life back up? How do I get past losing a child? You may never…………you will always have scars where the hurt was, but you will be able to take steps towards a “new” normal for you. Time does help mend your heart and time does give us a chance to start each day anew, but how do you get joy again? How do you socialize with friends and family and not show the hurt you feel? How do you pull yourself out of the funk you are in and actually get out of the house? How do you transition your life to a new normal? It takes determination and it’s going to take some Jesus!
I could have never gotten through one test or trial unless God was by my side. At times I would think he had forsaken me, he wasn’t listening, my prayers were null and void. I felt all the prayers in the world were doing nothing! I would read my Bible, go to church, pray daily, talk with the Lord like he was sitting right beside me and yet…..I saw nothing happening. Now…….step back for a moment……..I did make it through – remember? I wanted relief right now, right when I asked…or at least in the next few weeks! No, I had to wait on God’s timing, for his timing is perfect. Trust me, I was wanting relief from an abusive husband ASAP! It came nine years later in a manner only God could have been in the midst of. He was controlling the entire situation and he was right there…..and I trusted him!
Now, as I was dealing with these things, how did I overcome? My way may not be your way, so this may or may not be for you. I found over the years as I would walk and pray, I would start praising the Lord. I literally lift my hands up and praised the Lord! Mind you, I was at the park on the backside of the walking trail alone, but that’s what I did and what I do – still to this day! I am motivated by music, so I listen to gospel songs that really hit my heart and it won’t take long before I feel the spirit of the Lord and I will start to cry. I don’t cry because I’m sad, I don’t cry because I miss my dad, I don’t cry over the mistakes I’ve made, I don’t cry over anything. The tears that fill my eyes are because I am humbled by the Lord, I am appreciative of what he did for me at Calvary, I am thankful that he watches over me and guides my path! I cry because the words in these songs mean something to me. I know where I was when I was lost in sin and I know where I am now and I know where I am going. This is not my home on Earth, but my home is in Heaven to spend an eternity with Jesus.
As I would walk listening to these gospel songs and I’d start talking with the Lord in my mind, the tears will start to roll down my cheeks and I know the He is right there with me. He loves me so much that no matter what, he will always be watching over me. I look at my own children and that’s a love that is undeniable and unexplainable and yet – God’s love for us is so much more than that. He cares for us, each one of us to a level we cannot even fathom. I am nothing but a sinner, I am not worthy of his love, I am not worthy of Jesus dying on the cross sacrificing for all. I am nothing but another grain of sand on the beach and yet…….His eye never leaves me nor you!
Praising the Lord is my way of acknowledging him as the Almighty God and it’s a way I can show him I love him! He knows my heart, just as you know the hearts of your children….they love you! So God knows I love him, but when your child comes over and hugs you and says I love you Mom….that means so much more to a parent! So why wouldn’t I show God that I love him? The Bible says when the praises go up the glory comes down. Personally, I like it when the glory comes down! I want to be hit with it as if it was pouring out of heaven right on me!
The only way I made it through the darkest moments of my life was through prayer, praising the Lord and learning to stand still and let God do his thing in His timing. The first two things were easy, it’s the last thing that is hard. Be Still…… I can’t be still…I was constantly trying to figure out a way to “fix” my own life. STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t try to fix it, just stop and let go. Let go and let God do His work in your life.
Praise Him, Pray to Him and Wait on Him! That is the only way I got through each and every storm of my life. That one night when I was 26 years old and I got on my knees and asked the Lord to forgive me of all my sins he changed me right then and there! I asked God to take control of my life and there were many times that I tried to run my own life and that is when I made the huge mistakes. Lean on Him……no matter how hard it gets…..persevere! xoxo