I was pondering on what my next blog would be about when something happened one night at our home and it made me think….Hmmmmm, this is a perfect subject to blog! Let me set the scene, I’m at home with my daughter (a teenager) and my granddaughter who is three. We were getting pedicures and doing girlie stuff, just having a great time together. My daughter, Rae, told my granddaughter, B, to paint her toenails, of course B was EXCITED TO PAINT RAE RAE’S TOES!!! Like most three year olds there will not be a straight line, nor will your toes be painted precise….in other words, you’re gonna see a glob of nail polish on your toes!
B started painting, you could see the joy in her little eyes, she was smiling and trying hard to mimic what she has seen her mommy do. As she was painting her Auntie’s toes, we began to laugh at how she painted her Auntie’s toes. First of all, it was funny, it was cute, it was sweet and I loved watching her try. What I didn’t realize was the effect our laughing would have on that precious child. When we laughed, she immediately looked up with sadness in her eyes. You could tell by her face, she felt like we were making fun of her. So immediately I started clapping and Hoo Rahhing her efforts, but the damage had been done. She handed me the nail polish and said in words I will never forget…..”I not want to do it grandma”. Oh my word, my heart broke for her, what we thought was cute, she took our laughing as belittling her. And that my friend is how the chaos starts……it starts with one simple thing and it absolutely eats away at us. Be it one thing, or several things….they all build up and these things will either make us stronger or make our self esteem, self worth, and self love so low….digging out of the hole may seem impossible.
I have had my share of bullies, trash talked about me behind my back…heck….to my face! I have been in a setting numerous times where I immediately felt uncomfortable and less of a person than others. Yes, I have felt like someone thought they were better than me, smarter than me, I felt ugly beside other women, being smug or snobby towards me….YES, we all deal with this at some point in life!! At one time in my life, that bothered me. It absolutely tore me apart about my physical appearance, the way I talked or dressed, what type of house we had and right on down to what type of car I drove. And Lord God, let’s not even talk about being pregnant….she gained weight, she’s bigger than she should be…..it is a NEVER ending vicious circle out there! How can any woman or man make it with so much negativity out there. Where does the insanity stop and compassion start? I see posts every day about loving each other, building a world together and in the next sentence they are tearing down someone or poking fun at another. Geez….stop living a lie….just be crude! Just stay off my bus, cause I only want positive people on my bus! (Kinda like that book, The Energy Bus….it’s a good read BTW 🙂 )
Ok, so I’d say for about 44 years of my 49 I actually cared what people thought of me. I cared how people viewed me as a person, a mom, a friend, a worker, a boss, a mom….especially a MOM!! Did I present myself well, was I too thick, too skinny, did I drive a nice vehicle, did I dress my kids right, were my kids well behaved??? All these things went through my mind because I had been conditioned to CARE what others think of you. You guys know if you’re near my age, you probably heard an older person say….You Do Not Bring Down the Family Name! Bring no shame to our family! It started at a young age, CARE what others think of you. Then you get in to school and dear Lord you guys know that kids are brutally honest, mean spirited at times and some are just down right jerks!
Ok…those same kids and now GROWN UPS that are reproducing people!!!I was taught to care for people, to show compassion, to pray and help your neighbor…have I ever made fun of, joked about, poked at someone? Sadly I have! One thing I can say, it has not happened very often in my 49 years and for that I am proud of. Back to these jerk kids that have grown up….haha just kidding, most kids grow up and do just fine, others want to find fault in everyone just so they feel better about themselves. Once I realized that…I began to turn the tide and start winning at being ME!
So who cares if Sally is smarter than me?? Who cares that Susan has a bigger house?? Who cares that Deborah is prettier than me??? Who cares that Betty has a better paying job or a fancy high dollar career???? Not a soul…that’s who!! The only person caring about these things is YOU!!! Listen to what I’m saying….YOU determine whether something bothers you or not. YOU!!!!!! Not Joe down the road…YOU!!! You set the standard in which you view others opinion of you. it’s either going to be really important to you what others think of you or you’re not going to give a good golly gee what someone thinks. I know this is cliche, but…it’s true….we ALL came in to this world with nothing and we will all leave the same….DEAD! And ALONE! AND WITH NOTHING!!!
So how do we get to the point that we don’t care what others think of us? It’s called self love and being content with yourself. So what the heck does that mean?? If you have self love then you have self worth, if you are content then you are happy with whatever situation you find yourself in. That sounds like a bunch of malarkey !! I know! I’ve heard it and shook my head at the person saying it! Self love? How can I love this hot mess, this body that has been stretched out having babies, this face that is showing the signs of aging??? I’m going to tell you how…. you look in that mirror everyday and you tell yourself YOU ARE UNIQUE! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL IN YOUR OWN WAY! YOU ARE SMART! YOU ARE SPECIAL! YOU ARE WHAT GOD WANTED AND GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES! HE THOUGHT OF YOU WAY BEFORE YOU WERE BORN AND KNEW HE LOVED YOU AND WANTED YOU TO BE IN THIS WORLD! Think about it like this, some babies die in childbirth or are miscarried…this is very sad and tragic, I have miscarried three times myself and it’s devastating !! But I have to think that those little souls were not intended for this world, they went on to be with God. I was told I could not carry a child full term and I would not be able to have kids. Well,I have two beautiful children and God gave them to me….and they changed my life! So I have to think……I made it into this world, I have purpose…I have a meaning, my work is not done here on this Earth.
Now, if I have the mindset that my life has some type of purpose and I am special…..then why do I care what others think about me? I only care what God thinks about me. I care if I please him, I care that when I lay my head down at night that I feel good inside about who I was that day, how I treated people that day, how I showed love and compassion that day….I know in my heart and mind that as I drift off to sleep I am proud of the person I was that day! I did not grasp this until I kept seeing young teenagers in our community dying from overdoses, car wrecks, and suicides. I thought my gosh, this is so unreal, children dying before parents was nearly unheard of and here we have an outrageous number of young people dying each year. Then it hit our home, my stepson passed away and it got REAL! I saw the worst kind of grief a person can feel and I started looking at life differently. It makes you step back and realize that you don’t sweat the small stuff. You don’t care what others think, you care about family, your faith, living life and loving life and treating others the way YOU want to be treated. Smile at the person next to you at the gas pump, nod your head hello as you pass by someone at Walmart. Offer a gesture of kindness and when you start giving, you start feeling good about YOU! You just made an impact on someone even if it was just a simple smile or hello. You had PURPOSE! You are starting to live to your potential, and as you start these small things they become contagious to others. People are drawn to happy, fun people….you don’t see people running to hang out with a bunch of prudes! I certainly can’t stand being around a negative Nancy! OMG…talk about a buzz kill…no babe….I’m getting up away from them ASAP!
Now, I have said all this in hopes that you may look at yourself and think….you know what…. I am WORTHY! And dang it, my Standards are set high and either you reach those standards or you can hit the rocks! And let me tell you ladies…..a lot of girls and guys in your lives NEEDS TO HIT THE ROCKS!!!! Deuces babe!! Do not bring that into your life….negativity will breed, but you know what…so does positivity! Be among the folks that you want to be like! Find your own Tribe! Mimic the people that you admire, and at some point you are going to find YOU, you are going to find YOUR purpose! And when you do, you will love yourself, you will be proud of yourself and that old saying….don’t bring shame on the family name will have NEW meaning! It will mean what it was intended to mean….we are “good people”. We lend a helping hand, we give to those less fortunate, we love our neighbor, we are a friend in a time of need. You paint your destiny and everyday you get up, you make your mind those first three steps that today is a new day….and today I’m going to be “good people”. Watch your life start changing and things start meaning more to you. Live your life for you and when you die, make sure that you are remembered as a good person, a loyal person and a loving person. Cause in the end…what we leave behind is more important than the haters and the naysayers that will come into your life to tear you down and torment you. They are bumps in the road….get past those bumps and you will be on smooth land. Your life is yours….don’t let hate take your happiness!!! Get on the Bus with YOUR TRIBE!!!!
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