Coffee Talk Sunday

Happy Sunday girls! We are actually going to have coffee together and chit chat today! It’s been a long time since I wrote a “Coffee Talk Sunday” post and I think I may start back since the blog has grown so much over the past year. It’s growing at a supersonic pace and I need to make sure everyone knows who I’m talking about in my emails. If you are not subscribed to the blog and getting the emails for new blog posts, you can sign up for those here.

Many of you are not on Instagram and do not see the Deals Of The Day or special sales in my stories, so I will be posting them every Saturday in the email in case you missed out. I have been getting a lot of emails from many of you asking who I am talking about from time to time. So today I am sharing my family, our doggies, my Mom, and some of my background. I’m sure once you start reading my story, you will feel like I am the girlfriend who lives next door. Cause I really am, lol! My kids are not much on taking pictures, in fact both of them rarely post on social media. I did scroll through my phone and found some everyday pictures of all of us that I wanted to share with you so you can put a face to a name. Y’all ready??

Our Story

When I refer to the “hubs”, I am referring to this guy…my guy Barry, the guy that has kept it rolling since I decided to quit my job and stay home. Without him backing me and carrying the load of the bills while I was building the blog, we would not be sitting here today. He is the second B in the title of the blog…I’m the first, LOL! Barry and I met through our sons, Chase and Austin; Chase is my oldest and Austin was his youngest. They were best friends and I met Barry while I was picking Chase up from Barry’s ex-wife’s house in January of 2010. I was in the middle of a really bad divorce ( I will go into that later) and men were totally off my radar. In fact, I was almost loathing men at this point. I was 40 years old and felt like I could not pick a good man if there was only one left on earth and he was the good one…I would not be able to find him. I was that bad!

When I went to pick Chase up, Barry was at his ex-wife’s house because a group of teenage boys were hanging out there and cutting up on their cars and trucks in the neighborhood and he went over to straighten them out. Apparently, Chase was the main one who was cutting up on Austin’s truck, squealing tires and doing what teenage boys do. Chase told Barry his mom was there to pick him up and Barry (being a magistrate and feeling he needed to put Chase in his place 😂) told Chase he was going to talk to me and let me know so I could discipline him. I was sitting in my Explorer chilling, waiting on Chase when I looked to my left and saw this man standing there in a gray sweatshirt, shorts, and a navy ball cap. I rolled my window down to see what he wanted, and this man could not get any of his words out, he literally was stuttering and slightly sweating on his forehead, I could see it glistening from the street lights. He could barely look at me, but boy I was looking at HIM! HAHA! I still to this day do not remember anything he said, but I can tell you exactly what he was wearing that January night. We parted ways and I pulled off and for the first time in my kids life they heard me say, ” Holy Moses, that man is good looking!”. I had never said anything in front of my kids about the looks of any man…never! Raegan was in the back seat and said…”Ewwwww” 😆. I thought about him often, but never saw him again. Until…

As I said earlier, I was in a really bad divorce/separation with an overbearing, super jealous, accusatory man who had put his hands on me in an aggressive way, more than one time. It was the worst situation I have ever been in. He would call 100 times a day nonstop, to the point I had to turn my work desk phone off. He spoke about killing himself or killing me and the kids constantly the last six months we were together. He even had come at me with a hammer and as he was coming down with it, he pivoted and tore the table up that was sitting beside me. He was out of the house, but he somehow wiggled his way back in and slept on the couch for a few months and I knew I had messed up letting him back in. I leaned 100% on God to get him out of our house for good, you cannot imagine how much I was in prayer for God to move in this matter.

One day at work after I got multiple calls and emails, I decided to go to the magistrate’s office for advise on how to remove him from the house. Lo and behold, the man that was helping me was none other than Barry! After talking with him, I came home and laid it all on the table to my estranged husband. Either commit yourself for the suicidal thoughts or I would have him committed since I was still his wife, even though we had separation papers filed. He went with me to the ER and on the way there, he mumbled…”Me and my big mouth”. Once he was admitted to the hospital I went to check on him until they moved him to a mental hospital an hour away. I was called from one of his doctors and they told me under no circumstance should I let him back in my life or house. He would end up killing me or the kids because that was all he was talking about and obsessed with it. I started preparing my house to boost up security and getting my affairs in order to pay him as much money as it was going to take for him to leave me alone. He did move on and remarry, only to beat her in the head with a hammer then break every bone in her hands and knees. He is now sitting in jail for the attempted murder.

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I went back to the magistrate’s office to get a restraining order and none other than Barry was working. We talked for awhile, he told me my options, and that was about it, nothing magical happened. Then we messaged each other on Facebook, just checking in to see how things were going and talking about the boys. For two months we chatted here and there through messenger and email, but never on the phone. He finally asked for my number ( I certainly wasn’t going to offer it!). And on May 16th, (my 41st birthday) he called me and asked me if I would see him in person when he went to lunch around 7pm that night. I changed my clothes over 20 times before I finally decided on something I felt good about…who’s been there before?

We met in the middle near a college at a convenience store. He was standing outside his truck and I stayed in my car (all that pressure about an outfit and he never saw it, haha). We talked for a few minutes, it was all grins for both, awkwardness, and then he walked up to my driver’s window and leaned in and pecked me on the cheek….oh…my…gosh! I instantly started sweating. I could not believe he did that! After about 5 minutes he leaned back in, so I took the bull by the horn and popped a big ole kiss on him and the fireworks went…BOOM! 🎉 I drove home smiling the entire way, called my mom and told her I had met “The One”!! He called me later that night and told me he had not stopped smiling, in fact, he said he smiled so much he had chapstick on his ears…HAHA! We went on our first date late may 2010, were engaged in October 2010, and married December 10, 2010. I do believe if it was not for Barry being a judge when my ex got out of the hospital, he would have come after me. A powerful movement was happening and I can only believe it was all spiritual.

The first 3 years were a little tough since both of us wanted to be top dog at the home, but I soon let go and let him do his thing. We will be married 11 years in December and I do not think we have had an argument since early 2014. Now…we have popped off at each other, but not one argument. Barry lost Austin 12/19/13 to an accidental drug overdose and we both realized life on Earth is a mere glimpse and we want to spend our time not stressing over the small stuff.

The Kids

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Chase is my oldest and his daughter is Brooklyn, who is 6 1/2 years old, and she has Barry wrapped around her finger! And grandma is her favorite buddy to hang with, at least that is the story I am sticking to, lol! The first picture above was taken when we were on a family vacation at the beach and the second picture is Chase and Brooklyn making scary/funny faces. They are two peas in a pod and he is one of the best dads I have seen. He is involved with her schooling 100%, and he is always trying to make memories with her. I told Chase having him when I was 24 actually saved my life and gave me purpose, and I think him having Brooklyn has done the same thing with him. What a gift of love that cannot be described or explained!

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Brooklyn filled an empty hole in Barry’s heart and has been a joy and a blessing from day one. Chase’s high school sweetheart is Brooklyn’s mom, they dated for about 6 years before they finally split up after Brooklyn was born, but remain so very close and co-parent Brooklyn phenomenally. Brooklyn and Chelsea (her mom) are below. These are two of my favorite pictures of them ❤️.

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Raegan is my youngest and is the one that wears her heart on her sleeve. She is one of the most loving, and compassionate people I have ever known. She is an animal lover and the child that was always bringing stray animals to the house to nurture and love. She hated school, and deals with anxiety issues, and is still trying to figure out what she wants to pursue in life. She has a green thumb that I am totally envious over, has a gift of photography, but rarely pursues that. And she can make a makeup tutorial as good as any of the professionals, but is way too shy to start her on channel. She is super creative, but has not found her passion yet. But I am sure she will soon!

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The Fur-Babies You See On The Blog

Many of my pictures show our Goldendoodle, Ziva, in a lot of my pictures. She is obsessed with our bedroom and that is her “safe space”. Since I have been taking more pictures in the office, she has pretty much “quit the blog”, LOL! She is 4 years old, loves listening to gospel music during the day, super smart, but super goofy! Always looking for attention, and gets so excited to take a ride on the golf cart or in the Jeep. She is well trained and can do multiple tricks, I can even walk with her outside in the subdivision without a leash and she would stay right by my side, although I do not do that because you never know when she is going to see a squirrel and take off like a jet air-a-liner! I drove from one side of NC to the mountains of NC to pick her up and then drove back home with her in the same day. She hugged like a human went she first come home and she is still hugging like a human to this day. She is right by my side every day and the most loving animal I have ever owned.

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Cooper is my Chorkie and he’s Barry’s baby 100%! He is NOT fond of a phone in his face, so I have limited pictures of him. Kilo is Chase’s dog that I dog-sit 4 days a week. I don’t mind keeping him because I feel super safe with him hanging around. However, he seems to want to lay around and snore like a man most of the day. He is a big baby, but if he hears a noise outside, he gets to me as fast as he can and backs me up in a corner and stands guard….growling at the noise. Since we live near an army base with bombing going on constantly, his ears are always perked up. Now Kilo lives for a camera shot…he’s always ready to pose for a quick pic!

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My Story

I first got married when I was 23 to Chase’s father and we tried to have kids right off the bat. I miscarried twice when I was 5 months pregnant both times. I was hospitalized and almost died both times and told I would never have children because my uterus was not strong enough to carry a child full term. I was heartbroken for awhile, but I would not accept that diagnosis. In 1993 I found myself pregnant again, and I was so scared, and tried to keep a positive mindset. I was told this baby was a little girl and I carried this child full term. In fact, I delivered one day before my due date and out popped Chase! Oner year later I lost another child and about 3 months after that I found out my husband had been having a long term affair with one of his employees. When I was 19 years old, my father passed away from a massive heart attack and that was the worst pain I had ever felt, but the pain of being cheated on and a failed marriage with a small toddler was an ongoing pain that lasted for years. I had a 2-year-old son and I was moving back into my mom’s house. I felt so ashamed, defeated, a failure…you name it, and I was feeling it. Little did I know that would be the best thing that ever happened to me.

I grew up in a household that was at church every time the doors were open. I watched my mother live a life that was not like other moms. She didn’t wear pants or makeup (this was in the 70’s and 80’s), but she was the most humble person that had a happiness that I admired and wanted. She was and still is an inspiration in how she has lived her life, sacrificed for her kids, and always taught us to love one another and forgive. She is the woman that taught me what is most important in this short time on earth and what the end goal is.

When I was 26, I moved back home to my Mom’s house with Chase in tow. My separation was more than I had bargained for. I could not eat, I couldn’t sleep, I cried myself to sleep each night, and I was mad. I pulled myself out of the bed each day to go to work and pushed tears down for months so no one knew that I was going through a divorce. One night as I was laying in my bed, I literally could not take the hurt and pain anymore. I rolled off the bed and got on my knees and all I could say was a few sentences. “Lord, I have made a mess of my life, and I need you to take over and put me where I should be. I cannot live my life without you in it, and if you will, please fix my life and save me.” That night changed my life and although I have slipped and got off track, failed miserably at times, I would always find my way back to where I needed to be.

A few years later, I met a great guy that I fell for very quickly. He was in the church, and had the best personality, a person you would want to hang out with and would be constantly laughing at his funny jokes. He was in remission from Non Hodgkins Lymphoma and we ended up marrying when I was 30 years old. Within one month of getting married his cancer had come back at a stage 4 and 3 weeks later I found out I was pregnant with Raegan. He died when Raegan was jut a baby and devastation set in again.

This is where I messed up…I stepped out on my own instead of being still and letting God move the pieces in my life. I felt like I was pushed into a marriage that I did not want, but could not say no. A college educated woman found herself in an abusive marriage. My life has not been a picture perfect love story, or one that was easy. I struggled with bills, I worked 3 to 4 jobs and went back to college to provide for my kids. I’ve been stalked by a young man for years, chasing me home from work, keying my car, and even making false accusations about me. It seemed if it was a male, I needed to stay clear and focus on the kids. ( I do not even acknowledge the abusive marriage, the only thing that kept me safe is the Lord. He moved pieces and my husband at the time was in Iraq 99% of the year for 5 years, it was only bad for a few weeks when he was home, until he came home for good. Then things escalated to a point of no return.)

I knew I had a purpose in my life, why would the devil fight me so hard? It took me years to understand that, and once I did, my life changed for the better. So no matter what you are facing, you can overcome and you can come out on the other side much wiser and a better person because of those trial and tribulations. Never give up, there may be clouds, thunderstorms, and lightning all around you, but the rainbow will come! Hold on and hold out!

A Little About The Blog

Real quick – the blog started out as hobby to keep me busy once I decided to quit my job and focus on Barry and the kids after Austin passed away. I had an unbelievable passion and desire to figure everything out about building a website, learning social media, and all the things that go along with running a blog. What started out as a hobby has turned into a full-time job that I can work from home and still be here for my family. Who would ever find a little southern girl’s fashion blog? Well, you girls did find it and you have become girls that I am getting to know, albeit virtually, I am forming relationships with you and I know I have the best group of followers than anyone in the blogging biz. You girls are so appreciated for the love you sprinkle in your comments, the prayers, the patience you have- letting me tend to my mom, Barry, and Raegan – I could never say thank you enough! ❤️

Thank you for taking time out of your day to learn a little about my family and a little bit about my life. I am not a poster child for the perfect life, and I am proud of it. Those trials and tribulations, bad decisions…all that taught me how to be an overcomer, how to pray, how to trust in the Lord in knowing He will work all things out for my good, and it molded me into a woman that can understand what many women are going through these days. It was not popular when I was younger to be divorced, but it is very normal these days, and I can relate to many issues some of you may go through. Never hesitate to reach out to me for prayer or to talk if you need an ear. You are always there for me, and I will always be here for you. If I can help one person in the smallest way, then I am making a difference! Stay safe and be blessed! XOXO